What do you want to be when you grow up?

             Recently, I was having a very interesting conversation with someone I guess who would be consider more "traditional'' or conventional then I consider myself. We were talking about lifestyles and careers and the kind of lifestyles people choose to live. I brought up various ideas on how people decide to live for example, some people go to college and get a 9 to 5 job that they love, get married and have children. Others don't go to college at all choose to enter the workforce, and never marry and live in an apartment and and end up miserable. Other people choose to live the same way and are perfectly happy. Some people choose to spend much of their life traveling, working here and there and going back on the road, and never really quite settling down, and do because it makes them happy. Some people who live a nomadic lifestyle are running from something.
                   We both agreed that conventional versus wildly unconventional lifestyles fall on a continuum, I mentioned that I fall some where more towards the unconventional lifestyle, perhaps spending time living  a nomadic life for periods of time and then coming home. The truth is, I am not really sure where I fall long term. I know I love music, art piercings, helping other, my family and friends. I know I want to be happy. I see myself doing a myriad of things, including all the things I listed above. I have this fear, this fear, the fear of what if I fail, and the fear of what other people think of me. I brought this up in the conversation, and she mentioned that her maturity and independence really lead her to not care what other people think. For me that means, working on myself, really getting to know myself with the love of my friends and family. I am comfortable with me then I can be happy anywhere, doing anything.
                    I would like to end today's entry with this story. When John Lennon was a little boy of about 6 or 7 his teacher asked his class what they wanted to be when they grew up. The other children said things like teacher, doctor, Mother/wife, things like that. When the teacher came to her she asked,
                      "What do you want to be when you grow up."
                         "I want to be happy.''
                          The teacher said, "You must not understand the question.''
                          John said, "You most not understand life''
 
       I know exactly what he meant.  He meant it is not so much important what you do, but that you  are happy, and you help other to become happy. Happiness is a choice that comes from with in, if you are not happy, it is not because your parents are horrible people, or you got bullied in school, or you don't have the right job. If you learn to calm your mind, you will learn who you are. For me it is an ongoing process. It involves calming my mind, and listening to God. When I do this, I am able to live one day at a time. I have to do this everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. To me, this has led me to carry less and less about what others think, those who matter do not project their own beliefs, fears, and goals on to others. Some day I know I will be in a place where it doesn't matter what others think of me really and truly. My most important realtionship is between me and God all other relationships are manifestations of that relationship  For those of you who are out there and reading this. Never give up. Never let your fears take over your life, and trust God. If you learn to do those things, you can never go wrong.
                         

Wisdom in Raindrops

When raindrops fall,
 They know no beauty,
 No destruction,
 No Pain,
 A world gone mad,
 Raindrops,
 Only know,
 Their pitter patter,
 Hitting the pavement,
 Molecules burst,
 Peace.

Crossroads

      Today, my life is in a really awesome yet strange place. I feel like I have all these ideas buzzing around in my head. Not in a manic way, but in like a limitless potential way. Yet I find myself coming upon my own mental blocks. For example, I really want to be come a piercer and do body art on people professionally, I have floating around the idea, I have contacted one shop and found out how hard an internship of that nature is to come by. But this time I am determined not to give up. I am also in school for education, working on my BA, I realize that I need a degree, but I also believe there is no such thing as too many skills and abilities. My current plan is to finish my BA and devote myself to learning how to pierce post college. What I am learning how to do is find the courage to do the things I want to do and need to do that make me afraid. The more the risk the better the reward.
            I have taken some risks in my life and I have found them to be extremely rewarding in the long run. I think the greatest risk I will take will be the piercing endeavor. I am grateful and amazed about how far I have come in recent years, the fact that I have all these ideas and goals, and I am seeing them manifest themselves in my life is amazing in the past there all this fear, nothing ever got done, and I was miserable. Now there is so much I want do, So many places I want to travel to, people I want to me, projects I want to do etc... I simply can't find the time for all of them. I know it's time to sit back and enjoy the ride, it is time to see life as a journey. God has a plan for me, I haveto  trust with all of my being and more will be revealed. Perhaps there is something wonderful coming down the pipe. Something I haven't even thought of yet.
           Sometimes I struggle with the fear. Fear that things aren't going to get better. But then, I have to remind myself. Fear is a human nature. The courage comes from doing it anyway, even if it hurts, even if it doesn't work out. At least if it doesn't work out I can say I tried, I met my fear, looked it in the face, and tired. It's never too late. I am met for meeting my full potential. The most important thing for me is just learning to be happy. I am on my way but  I'm not there yet. Someday, I will get to this place, this feeling where I want to be, it will come together for me, and then it will be time to start a new adventure.